You are Changing Forever Anyway

I was 12 and a bookish girl who was curiously prone to catching fevers, colds, and coughs. I spent days reading in bed or curled up in the big cream chair at the far end of the living room. My dog would snore at my feet as I got lost in yet another book. I came across one of Margaret Mahy's books during one of these spells - The Tricksters. I think it was one of the very first supernatural YA books I ever came across. I lived in Nowheresville, Denmark and I had almost run out of books to read from the local library. Margaret Mahy - I kept that name in my head.

Then my local library bought Margaret Mahy's The Changeover. My life would never be the same - it was one of those books that changed you. At the very least it changed me.

The synopsis sounds fairly mundane: a teenage girl discovers her young brother is possessed by a demon and she enlists the local school prefect to help her battle the demon. Okay, the synopsis sounds pretty terrible - but the book was terrific. It was well-written (and later I'd discover the literary allusions one by one) and the real dangers lurked in every-day life beyond the surface drama of soul-stealing demons and witchcraft.

What changed me? I think I caught a glimpse of myself in the book.

I have never been good at identifying with characters in books and much of my reading pleasure derives from well-turned prose, intelligent plots and clever structures - but I think my 12-year-old self saw something of herself in Laura Chant, Mahy's teenage protagonist. Laura Chant was realistically drawn: a strong and independent girl but with a complex family life which renders her more than a bit vulnerable. Mahy also captures Laura on the cusp of becoming something more than just a daughter, a sister, and a girl. There is a strong streak of yearning throughout "The Changeover" - characters yearn to make sense of the world and move beyond petty squabbling in the school ground and the tiny shopping centre. "There is a world out there," the book whispered, "and it is yours to explore!"

I read and re-read "The Changeover" getting it out of my local library again and again. I bought the novel in English when I first set foot in Foyles some six years later. It was one of the first books I ever read in English, let alone owned. I still re-read my copy every couple of years or so. Time has not lessened my love.

And Margaret Mahy was instrumental in kick-starting my love for New Zealand. I was 24 when I travelled through New Zealand for a month and I hung out the bus window desperate to get a photo of the sign saying "Welcome to Paraparaumu" - a town mentioned in "The Changeover" as a mundane place. The mundane place seemed magical to me. I still have that photo too.

Rest in Peace, Margaret Mahy. And thank you for making a lonely teenage girl much less lonely and far bolder.

"I like to swim in deep water. I like to be where I can't feel the bottom and I have always liked that from the time I was very small, but there is always the fear of the shark sneaking up from the darkness below, and grabbing your foot. After you've been frightened of the shark for a while, you begin to tell stories about it, to take it over ... and in odd moments of life, when you have a little go at being the shark yourself, you recognise an old truth in what you are doing."

Therapy

I was grumpy yesterday. I was so grumpy (and whiny) that my partner started laughing hysterically every time I said something. It did not help.Yesterday I hated humanity. I hated the world. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and not interact with anything or anyone at all. Snarl. But I mellowed. I treated myself to some of my favourite things and I got into my comfort zone. This is how I eventually returned to normality:

• Tea. A strategically timed cup of hot, milky, strong tea with plenty of sugar. I am normally a coffee fiend, but tea makes me happy.
• Some old favourites on my iPod: Finn Brothers' dark and atmospheric Suffer Never hit the spot as did Crowded House's wistful, mysterious Kare Kare.
• Knitting in bed. I am currently working on a shawl pattern with a release date ultimo September. I loved working soothing lace repeats with  Juno Fibre Arts' "Belle". The feel and handle of the yarn is extraordinary.

My other half is off for a second blissful day of Glasgow Comic Con (yesterday he met Grant Morrison, if that means anything to you. Dave told me it was A Very Big Deal). I think I shall flex my toes, have a long bath and then continue my therapeutic dose of 90s moody Antipodean pop, tea-drinking and knitting. And breathe.

A Handmade Wedding

Remember the wedding blanket that Glasgow Knit'n'Stitch made? The wedding took place this weekend and it was full of knitterly details. Settle in for some great photos.. The wedding took place at New Lanark about an hour south of Glasgow. New Lanark is a UNESCO World Heritage Site right by the Falls of Clyde. The setting is absolutely stunning and is teeming with wildlife - but New Lanark is also a former cotton mill that now spins the most lovely yarn on-site (there may have been some yarn browsing during the wedding..).

The wedding was very much a handmade wedding. Elaine and her mother Shirley had made the bridal gown themselves over the last five months. It was a stunning dress: it had an empire waist with a subtle A-line skirt and an elegant little train. The fabric did most of the talking with its beaded Chantilly lace. Its clear lines and unfussiness suited Elaine so very well - I think there is often a tendency to smother brides' personalities with ruffles, fake tan, rhinestones and silly hairstyles - but tellingly one of our mutual friends told her: "you look bridal and yet you still look like Elaine!".

But wait! What is that she is wearing over her shoulders? Let us get a better look at that!

The shawl was a wedding present from Lilith of Old Maiden Aunt. In the words of Lilith: "She knew I was knitting her a shawl, but not which shawl it was - and all the secrecy was totally worth it when she, her mum, & her gran all burst into tears when the shawl was presented! " The shawl is the Brora Black Shawl knitted in Jamieson & Smith undyed 1ply cobweb. I am sure Lilith is going to blog extensively about this shawl (I know I would if I were her!) so all I will say is that it took her three months' intense knitting, several members of GKS knitted a few stitches on it, and that Lilith got a special thank you during the speeches. Photo was taken by my very patient partner who had been informed to take as many knitterly photos as possible!

And there he is! No, David is not wearing anything knitted but surely half a metric tonne of woolly tartan counts as being of interest to knitters, right? Also: that's my man in a kilt. Whoop!

Back to the knitting..

That is Ms Lilith wearing her cashmere Laminaria. I love the colour combo she is wearing, incidentally. You cannot see her kick-arse red shoes, but believe me when I say they were awesome.

Lynette is also wearing a stunning shawl - brilliantly it is my Karise pattern knitted in Old Maiden Aunt yarn. How wonderful is that? I think that is a great snapshot of the spirit permeating the entire wedding: everything was made by family and friends for family and friends. I'm going to share a heart-tugging example a bit later on but first back to the shawl parade..

And to the right is the fabulous Paula wearing an equally fabulous shawl (and my second favourite frock of the day - my favourite obviously being Elaine's wedding dress). The shawl is my Elsinore pattern(!) knitted in Wollmeise. The original pattern is a cute shoulder-sized shawl but Paula made sure she got good use out of her yarn and upsized the shawl. You cannot tell but Paula is also wearing handmade jewellery and she made her bag too.

And to the left it's me. I'm not wearing anything knitted or handmade. Awkward.

And that brings me to something I just loved so much about the wedding: the personal touches.

I love this photo which I snapped during the dinner. The wedding cake was made by Elaine's mother and the cake decoration was made by Elaine's talented dad (who had also made all the table decorations). It is placed on a crochet table cloth made by Elaine's great-grandmother. Elaine and Steve had placed family wedding photos on every window sill together with small, pretty flowers. Sitting there I felt surrounded by love and friendship.

And I think that was why this wedding felt so special and why I will look back at it in years to come with such fond memories. The wedding was as quirky, personal, and friendly as the couple themselves. I think that is really what a wedding should be all about (and not feeding an industry of glitz, glamour and fake tans).

Next time I'll wear a handknitted shawl, though.

A Creative Life Is Mine

I was asked for career advice recently - and quite apart by being floored by being asked, it also made me think very hard about what it is I do and why.  This coincided with a friend sharing this blog post about creativity, process and blogging with me. Forgive my rambling, meandering post, but I have thoughts in my head..

One of the most common reasons people give preventing them from doing something creative is that it has already been done. (..) It is as if there should only be a certain number of people in any creative field, as if it were a party in a small house and could get too crowded.

I believe strongly that everybody is creative - this imaginative spark is what makes us human. When I run craft workshops, I always try to push people into embracing their creative sides: 'what happens if you do X & Y? Which colours do you like? Try to combine those.' It always comes as a shock to people but I don't have a textile degree - yet I work within the knitting industry as a craft teacher and a knitting designer among other things. I don't have an art degree, yet I have exhibited my work in galleries. Does this invalidate me as a Creative? No. It just means I am autodidact and I take some interesting detours during my work process.

We are taught that creativity is the expression of a higher ideal in a finished object of great beauty and skilled execution (..) We look with lust and desire at finished products and believe they are created by specialists using talents beyond our mortal capacity to understand.

Our brains try to trick us into thinking that unless we are Picasso, Mozart or Shakespeare, we have no right to express ourselves creatively. I once read Plato. He had a few things to say about ideal beauty and our human inability to attain this. Also, the only way to become better at doing something is by doing it.  I am not a great artist, but the more I draw, the better I become. One of these days I might even become capable of describe the world I see!

We are (..) separated from our own creative power which is what makes us depend on shopping to satisfy all our psycho-spiritual needs. 

And this is key. All marketing depends upon us wanting to be someone else than ourselves. Do you want to be exotic and gorgeous? Try this dress? Do you want to be quirky and creative? Here is the perfect scarf! But what if you could make a dress that feels like you - wouldn't you feel better about yourself because you made the dress yourself, it is exactly how you want it to be, and you get to express who you are?

Even those who appear to be such ‘natural’ creators, those that have identified themselves as ‘creatives’ early in life have had some crucial intervention, some teacher or parent who told them they had talent (..) .

I guess I try to be that crucial intervention whenever I run workshops because I think it's never, ever too late to embrace to inner desire to make stuff.

Now for the crucial quotes:

The value is in the process and the finished product is a continuation of that process, affecting the lives of others, that scarf you made for your dad lives on in the process of his life. Value itself is a living process not to be confined to a number or a thing.

Yes, it is cheaper to buy the scarf and no, your scarf won't look like it was machine-knitted in China - but you created that scarf. Without you, that ball of yarn would just be a long string balled up. This is what still gets me about creation to this very day - that whole thing about making (on a related note, in Scots English a poet is a makar which plays wonderfully into the whole language-as-creation idea I once adored so much).

And

Success, slick production values, money, attention, these are all byproducts of a process of self discovery that will last a lifetime. And they may never come. If the process is right for you it won’t even matter anymore. Any stage of that process is as essential as any other.

This. This.

I don't work with knitting because I made a career decision ages ago. Working within the knitting industry is hard work, I scrape by, and it is far less romantic than you may think. But knitting defines me. I do this because I cannot not do this. It is who I am. And I am more like you than you know.

Taking Comfort

Sometimes a project comes along that just makes you sigh with pleasure. This is one of those projects. It is work knitting, but it also feels like comfort knitting. This is a shawl pattern that is destined for my Doggerland collection. It is knitted in Navia Uno, a gorgeously soft yarn from the Faroe Islands. Technically it is a light fingering yarn - almost 3 ply - but I am working with it on 4.5mm needles which gives it a magical drape, yet a satisfactory weight to the fabric. I am currently on the second repeat of my stitch pattern - the world is distracting me a bit too much with other things, but I need to knuckle down as I have deadline knitting in addition to this shawl.

I am really enjoying working on this collection, though. Part of the fun is researching Mesolithic Europe but also thinking about materials that would have been available to the peoples at the time. I have decided against using glass beads and metal beads for obvious reasons - but how can I justify using wool when I cannot a) find any material on Mesolithic textiles and b) any evidence of sheep? Well, I am allowing myself artistic freedom to use wool but I will attempt to use relatively unprocessed yarn. Obviously knitters using my patterns can choose whichever materials they want, but I have had fun thinking about my choice of materials rather than just reaching for the merino/silk blend and that jar of glass beads.. as tempting as though it may be!

I have been reading a couple of non-related books, too. I gulped down Susan Hill's Howards End is on the Landing last night. I adore books about books and have a big section of my home library devoted to them. Sadly Landing is not so much a Book About Books but rather a Book About Famous People Susan Hill Has Met  - and it does suffer from it.

There are some very good bits tucked away in Hill's book: how to (not) sort books, the physical pleasures of reading a codex rather than an e-reader, collecting books over the years, and how to choose a title for book. However, the good bits are drowned out though by incessant name-dropping.

Did you know she had lunch with Benjamin Britten who liked her novel? That she once waited on a doorstep with TS Eliot? That E.M. Forster once stepped on her toes? That Kingsley Amis once said to her in 'a genuine tone' that he was very proud of his son? That she interviewed one Sitwell and recited Thomas Hardy to another Sitwell? That Bruce Chatwin's parents lived doors down from her? And so it goes on.

I am sticking to Anne Fadiman's wonderful Ex Libris, John Baxter's A Pound of Paper, and Alberto Manguel's A History of Reading. Hill's Landing ended up reading like chatter from a woman who has nothing interesting to say even about the most fascinating things. But did you know she once was on a reading panel with Roald Dahl who signed a book for her?

Sorry.

I better get back to work/comfort knitting. (Fortunately all this knitting coincides with the European Championship of Football - my homeboys won their first match!  I may have biked through Glasgow silently singing old football songs.. this is an expat thing, surely).

Exciting News!

I have been sitting on this news since January - finally I got the proof through this morning and I can share the exciting news with everybody.

The pattern will be available to download for free from their website very, very soon.