Thoughts of Alex and Lucy

I have been debating for days whether or not to write anything about Lucy Meadows.  I have been so filled with sadness and outrage and helplessness - and I wondered why so few of my friends seem to talk about this. A woman taking her own life. A woman whose transition from a male body to a female body was made public property (and publicly mocked) by British press. I worried that I did not have the right to feel sad, outraged or helpless about this because I rest within my biological gender. But I am a human being and it is my right to speak out against hate and ridicule - even if I sometimes have to be reminded about my right to do so. And I think of my former flatmate Alex and I also owe it to her to write about my sadness, outrage and helplessness.

Alex and I shared a flat back in the late 1990s. She had left her native country for Scandinavia partly because of a love affair and partly because she felt misunderstood. We shared a big flat with several others and we rarely spoke. That is, until one night.

I had come home late and Alex was out in the kitchen crying. Yet another boyfriend had broken her heart. Alex always fell quick and hard for macho men who promised to protect her - she was a tiny slip of a thing - and who vowed they loved her for her. Quickly, though, they always started to want to change her. They would buy her clothes and makeup and high heeled shoes and Alex would sit in the kitchen crying.

She told me that night that she was a biological woman who identified as a gay man within a female body and that she preferred to dress as a boy because female clothing made her uncomfortable. She didn't want to transition - she just wanted to be loved for who she was. Her real name wasn't Alex* but she wanted a gender-neutral name unlike her actual name. (And I refer to Alex as she because that was what she wanted me to call her.)

Oh Alex. Wonderful Alex. Shy, funny and skittish.

I was maybe 21 years old and naive for my age, but I grew up a bit that night. Alex was so full of pain and contradictions. We sat there until dawn and she just talked and talked. Our late nights became a habit. I left that flat a year later and I often wonder what became of her. She was vulnerable with very few friends outside the constant cavalcade of awful boyfriends.

Today I wonder if she ever decided to transition because her identity seemed very fragmented and contradictory - with a strong emphasis upon 'boy' - but I also recognise that there are never any easy answers. Identity is fragmented and contradictory and what may seem like an obvious thing to me may not have been an obvious solution to someone as complex as Alex.

So, I read about Lucy Meadows and I remember my late nights in the kitchen with Alex. And I want to shout and cry.

LOVE. Never hate.

* Alex wasn't even what she called herself but Alex will be her name here.

Catching Up

If the knitting world ever decides to have a competition for "LYS with Best View", Gourock's Once A Sheep has to be a top contender.

I made my way out there last week - just before winter really hit Scotland again - and I couldn't believe my eyes. If I lived in Gourock, I'd be camped out at OAS knitting and staring at those mountains all day long.

(I just had to check on Google maps those were mountains because I am still just an ickle Dane from pancake-flat Denmark who thinks Scottish hills are mountains .. but nope, them there are mountains)

OAS has a lovely range of yarns and fibres - they seem to be carving out their own niche with a particularly strong selection of spinning wheels (and related equipment) and hand looms. If you went to the recent EYF, you will have seen Karen and her helpers demonstrate spinning and weaving. They also have a nice selection of needle-felting supplies which is a rare sight in Scotland.

I meant to travel further afield this past week but the combination of foul weather and catching up on sleep following that amazing (and exhausting) day at Edinburgh yarn Festival meant that I had to stay at home and focus on clearing my to-do list. Which included writing a few patterns and doing a lot of knitting.

This is one of the patterns from the Doggerland collection. It is knitted in Snældan 1-ply (also known as Karie's favourite lace yarn ever) in the "Basalt" colourway. It has a different construction method to the rest of my shawl patterns and I really love how the yarn drapes in this photo. Better photos to come, of course.

And better photos to come of the Gillean hat, another Doggerland pattern.

At Edinburgh Yarn Festival I taught colourwork using this hat pattern so there are some people out there with a preview of Gillean! It is a good colourwork project if you are unsure about stranding. You are just working with two colours and the crown shaping is very clever (even if I have to say so myself).

Again, this hat uses Snældan yarn - this time in 3-ply which is roughly equivalent to DK. The two main colours are undyed and the trim just adds a pop. I really love working with this yarn - it is a bit sticky (perfect for colourwork) and very bouncy.

Finally, I did a podcast with Louise of the Caithness Craft Collective Podcast. We recorded at Edinburgh Yarn Fest which is why 1) you can hear loads of people in the background and 2) I am slightly hyper. It was lovely to meet Louise - it felt like meeting an old friend - and she made the whole recording/interviewing process a lot easier than I had anticipated.

Birdsong

About six months ago I contacted artist and designer Gabrielle Reith-Thompson. I have long been admiring her work - from her colourful paintings/collages to her more recent illustrative pieces. Her Small Stories products are sold in small boutiques throughout Britain and online. I just adore her quirky eye, the attention to detail and, of course, the tiny stories that you glimpse in her work. I hoped Gabi would be interested in creating a logo for me. We would be a good fit, I thought:  the strong emphasis upon geometry found within organic shapes, the obvious Scandinavian influences, and our shared passion for handmade objects. Gabi was happy to help and, thanks to modern technology, we had some lovely exchanges about design heritage and personal influences.

And Gabi came up with this.

I had told Gabi about how I grew up listening to stories about the Norse pantheon. I may be not be a particularly religious person, but the stories continue to resonate with me. I was rather floored when I saw this image.

Gabi had drawn something which not only references my Scandinavian heritage*, but also evokes my approach to knitting designs and speaks of my love of freedom, nature and simplicity.

I absolutely love it.

(You can followed Gabi Reith-Thompson on Twitter or Facebook. She is on Folksy and has a fabulous Pinterest account too)

*)In Norse mythology ravens were generally regarded as messengers, though the god Odin had two ravens on his shoulders - Hugin and Mugin - which represented memory and thought.

Paused

My wrist is hurting. It happens occasionally as I have hypermobile joints. Hypermobility doesn't hamper me much in everyday life - I just struggle to open jars and my balance is a tad wonky. I do have recurrent problems with my hands and wrists: constant knitting and typing will cause RSI in most people, of course, but  I am particularly susceptible. So what is a girl to do when deadlines are looming and there must be knitting? She pauses.

I have taken two days off from knitting and tried to avoid using my hands too much (*fidgets*). Instead I have polished off a few books, begun reading another, and I've celebrated my mumble-mumble birthday.

My man and I went on a jaunty little trip to Edinburgh to see The National Museum of Scotland's special exhibition on Vikings. The exhibition was mainly made up of finds from a handful of Swedish high-status settlements - interesting to me since I am so familiar with every day Danish Viking finds, but also inexplicably never really explained by the exhibition itself. The lay-out was also odd as most displays could only be viewed by one or two people at a time (we waited between five and seven minutes between each display case).

But the spindle whorls were pretty.

For me, the Vikings feel so modern and seeing  needle-binding (again, not explained), dyeing, spinning and weaving tools just felt so .. natural. These methods are still in use, the tools are the same and we all like a bit of ornamentation on the tools we use the most.

Post-birthday the world seemed to pause and snow came tumbling down. I went out to take photos of a recently finished knitting object (and some other things but I cannot show you those). But I was stopped in my tracks.

A trickster snowman and his dog (bear?) had been built on the pathway. I loved them. Sinister, menacing, and melting.

I did manage to take some photos but taking photos of scarves are really difficult when your Official Photographer is at work and the snow had already begun to turn slushy.

Sarah Hatton's lovely Edith shawl/scarf knitted in Rowan Kidsilk Haze in the colourway "Fern".

I have long been wanting to knit it and since I have been working on some knitting maths lately (pro tip: never use a stitch pattern running over a prime number as your base unit), I wanted to try out Sarah's pattern because I knew her numbers would work beautifully. And I wanted the scarf too, of course! I went slightly off-pattern thanks to external distraction and the end result is soft, beautiful and a great deal more lacy than it should have been. It was a joy to knit. I love Kidsilk Haze so much.

Finally, a big thank you to my friend Paula who gave me a beautiful birthday present: two hand-stitched pendants made from silk with gorgeous, delicate flowers embroidered on top. I feel truly honoured to count some amazing crafters as friends and few are as talented as Paula.

Paused. Some time to think. Snow here and then gone. Kind gestures from people. I like my life like this.

The Glamorous Life of A Quiet Knitter

When people tell me they'd love to work in the knitting industry, I don't think my last fortnight is what they had in mind. I have been crawling around on my knees finding stray balls of yarn underneath boxes, behind furniture, and in strange places. I have been covered in yarn fluff and dust (achoo). My hands have been rubbed raw from handling thousands and thousands of balls of yarn. And then I spent several days tracking down product codes for long-discontinued qualities, noting everything down and triple-checking it against inventory notes before going home for long showers that did not get rid of the yarn fluff stuck inside my ear. Life, she has not been glamorous.

Still, there are good things to report. Firstly, there are new shadecards in front of me together with glossy previews of all the new summer collections. Secondly, two new designs are currently blocking on my living room floor. Thirdly, I have a logo for Karie Bookish Knits (more on which in a future blog post). And fourthly, Edinburgh Yarn Festival have finally announced their workshop list!

I have also finished my third read of the year.

Susan Cain's Quiet has been a real hit with readers this past year. As a reader it is hard not to be enthralled when a book tells you that it's really, really cool that you prefer reading a book to a loud party. That may sound like a cynical take but much of this book reads like a hard sell to the quiet, bookish crowd (i.e. people who buy books). Introverts like me are amazing - we invent things! we empathise! we could have stopped the recession! When Cain forgets to stroke egos or offer self-help solutions, the book becomes far more interesting: her examination of the 20th century as the century of the 'extrovert' is good as is her take on 21st technology enabling social interaction without sensory overload. As a non-American, I didn't quite connect with some of Cain's examples and some of her generalisations about cultural personalities were iffy - but Quiet was a decent read. If you've ever hid out in a bathroom stall to avoid small-talking your way through an evening, this may be a book you'll want to read.

A few random links:

• Culinary tragedy struck Norway recently. A moment of silence for those 27 tonnes of brown goat's cheese that have been lost to humanity.
• SPENT - a game about poverty. Can you make it through the month?
• Ten literary board games. It's from Flavorwire but we cannot have everything.
• I am mildly obsessed with yarn from Danish historic mill, Hjeltholt. Look at that 1-ply! Or how about their Aran weight? Oh gosh.

Hope you are all keeping warm and are knitting away. Me? Well, tomorrow I am donning my oldest clothes and will return to crawling around on dusty floors..

Knitting Assessment

I have the January blues. Well, not so much blues as I am already tired of January. I am tired of the reinventions, the interventions, and the reiterations. Oh, the cries of Find yourself! Get on top of your stash! Tidy up your house! that I hear echoed all over the place. It is not that I don't want to sort out my life, tidy the stash, make my home lovely and all that - but January is only nine days old and I feel guilty/stressed already. Also, I do not believe in quick solutions and clever quips. I once moved my entire life across the North Sea and I used quick solutions and clever quips to sort out my belongings. I still miss things I let go because I had not touched them for six months at the time. I wonder what is behind our modern day reluctance to have a past - belongings that stretch back further than six months, things that hold memories, and items that carry a significance beyond daily use? I subscribe to the famous William Morris maxim - Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful - I just think we sometimes forget the beauty aspect of our lives.

I like beauty. I like thoughtfulness. I like slow living. I like knitting. And that, dear reader, is what I call a clumsy segue.

The Bute cardigan. I love working on this and I am taking my time too. It is a constant joy to knit this - seeing the colours transition, watching the peerie patterns emerge and working with Rowan Felted Tweed (my favourite yarn du jour) and Rowan Colourspun. It is a meditative knit too - the peerie patterns are 4 stitches/5 rows repeats and just as soon as you've started one, you are done and ready to uncover the next colour. Meditative, indeed.

I was never quite sure about the cool pink - Peony - that I chose a contrast colour but I think it blends in well. Would I change the colours? Maybe make the purple - Bilberry - more prominent? I think the colour combination works, actually. It is a radical departure from the original autumnal colourway. It will work beautiful with the greys and purples in my wardrobe. Just two sleeves and a buttonband to go..

I have decided to knit another Felted Tweed fair-isle top after I finish Bute. Fyne is a free pattern from Rowan and there are several gorgeous FOs on Ravelry. Krraver has knitted one using the same colour for the ribbing and the background (I like this idea), onehandknits used a dark background colour (I like this too!) and jediknit has styled it beautifully. I am undecided on the colours - we'll see what remnants I am left with once Bute is finished - but I am definitely leaning towards something green/brownish.

Speaking of browns and greens .. here is a sneak peek at two designs I am working on for the oft-mentioned, still-languishing-in-production Doggerland collection. Sorry about the violet tinge to the photo - that is what you get when you try to take photos on cloudy, foggy January day!

The (ahem) oatmeal yarn is Garthenor Shetland 1ply. It is gorgeous, earthy yarn with a soft handle. The stitch definition is a bit .. rustic .. so it is not a yarn that lends itself well to crisp lace patterns. I would love a whole jumper or cardigan in this yarn - something relatively straightforward which will let the yarn do the talking.

The green shawl had my knitting group giggling. "What? Another one?" they guffawed. Actually I don't really own a green shawl and this one is a sample, anyway. So there. The yarn is Snældan 1-ply in the Turf colourway (also known as "Karie's favourite lace yarn in her fave colour") and I am truly in my happy place when I'm working on this.

Snældan 1-ply comes with quite staggering yardage. When I design I have a rough idea of how many rows I can chart before I run out of yardage and I will work out pattern repeats based upon that (yes, designing is all about number crunching, folks). I thought I'd be about 66% into my yardage at this stage - I've not even hit the 50% mark. In other words, this is going to be a huge shawl. A huge green shawl. Hmm, I might have to nick it off myself.

Confession time. I have been reassessing some WIPs in my vicinity. I think I'll rip out the Acer cardigan. I loved knitting it, but I lost momentum at a crucial point. Some knits you just have to keep plugging away at .. and Acer was one of those for me. Both the pattern and the yarn will be revisited - but not now. I am also tempted to throw out some old FOs - the Dragonfly cardigan, my first February Lady Sweater, and the Sun Ray top. I never wear them, you know.

Good grief, January has gotten hold of me.