Do You Taunt Me On Purpose Or Do You Just Roll Like That?

Parcelforce, the bane of my British existence. 2005: Box with my collection of Alasdair Gray First Editions goes missing. Parcelforce either forgot to attempt delivery or to leave a collection card. Boyfriend bravely battles his way to a remote depot, doing excellent postal kung-fu and leaves with my precious books in his arms.

2006: Christmas presents go missing, Parcelforce insists they've been delivered when I phone them for the fifth time (the other times the presents didn't exist on their system), December 29 our downstairs neighbour comes home from holiday to discover that our presents had been left with her for no apparent reason. No card or notices, of course.

2007: Another overseas "surprise" present goes missing. Parcelforce claims incorrect address when confronted with tracking number. Another delivery attempt obviously not attempted. We have to paid for extra special delivery - and our correct address is printed in big, black letters on the top of the box. We are not amused. Especially not me who may have given Parcelforce the URL of the Danish postal service, just for kicks.

2008: Where is my red alpaca-silk yarn, you freaky Parcelforce people?

Stay tuned.